


with whom can you sit in water?

by easy2find



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Bathtub Sex, Blindfolds, F/F, Nonbinary Character, Trans Female Character, wlw shadowgast
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:47:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25926118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/easy2find/pseuds/easy2find
Summary: essek and caleb take a bath.
Relationships: Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 3
Kudos: 41





	with whom can you sit in water?

**Author's Note:**

> shadowgast, but make them trans wlw...
> 
> this fic is founded on headcanons that mean a lot to me: caleb is a trans girl who uses she/her, essek is a nonbinary lesbian who uses he/him. 
> 
> comments are moderated just so i can screen for transphobia/lesbophobia. the title comes from a line by ilya kaminsky -- "you can fuck / anyone—but with whom can you sit in water?" enjoy!

caleb steps out into the darkness of rosohna, tugging her cloak closer against the chill of the perpetual night. the familiar glow of green lanterns lights the path to essek’s residence, and as she walks she can't help but catch her mind drifting back to her family home in blumenthal, a lifetime and a half ago, her mame’s voice sweet in the dark. _ganovim un farlibte hobn lib fintsternish_. lovers and thieves. she and essek are both.

he greets her at the threshold, casual in his buttondown with his two feet planted firmly on the floor. essek takes her in his arms and pulls her inside, away from the streets of the firmaments. cheeks flush with the change in temperature, caleb welcomes the warmth of his study as she leans into his side. 

“my dear, you’re freezing,” essek says against her hair, peppering kisses along the side of her face. “shall i run you a bath?”

“i thought we’d be studying,” caleb clicks her tongue, protests weakly. she would giggle at the domesticity of it all if the thought of a warm bath and with her lover didn't currently sound so damned wonderful. “essek thelyss, don't tell me you invited me here under false pretenses?”

a wry smile touches the corners of his mouth and he takes her hand, laces her fingers through his. “we can study tomorrow. i think now i might have to impose an arcana moratorium, effective immediately.”

she feigns offense, raising an eyebrow. “i’m not leaving without a new spell in my spellbook.”

essek brings her hand up to rest against his mouth, grazing his lips gently across her knuckles. he meets her gaze, thoughtful. “you drive a hard bargain, lady widogast.”

he drops her grasp and moves behind her to help her out of her thick cloak, hanging it over the rack in the corner. his hands then come to rest over her eyes, obscuring her vision, and caleb laughs. “what's this for?”

“i’d like you to keep your eyes closed for this, my love. or would you prefer me to blindfold you?”

caleb feels a shiver run down her spine, weighs both options in her head. exhales. blindfolds are something they’ve both enjoyed before, and she relishes the way they make every hair on her body stand on end. “blindfold me, please,” she decides, and essek goes to fetch a familiar strip of black silk.

*

now blindfolded, the scent of oils and candles hits her immediately as they enter the washroom. jasmine, spicy vanilla clove and some other dark perfume that jester would be able to name in a heartbeat, all mingled into one. the heady sweetness almost makes her dizzy as she breathes in the air between them, but the smell of her lover superimposed over everything, all ink and old books, balances it out beautifully.

essek undresses her with sweet whispers and guides her to the bathtub by the small of her back, her legs new-colt shaky and shivering with the contact of the stone floor on her bare feet, despite the humidity of the room. he rubs soothing circles on her skin with his fingertips, and she steadies herself against his touch.

“step up here. let’s see. now, that’s it. one leg– good.” 

the praise is exactly what her subconscious wants right now, and as she slips into the warmth of the water she feels the tension in her body begin to unfold itself. the heat tugs a happy little sigh from her lips, and she relaxes back deeper into the comfort. but–

“you’re not joining me?” she pouts in what she thinks is his vague direction and his presence appears on the other side of the tub, pressing a kiss to her brow. from there, she feels him run his fingers gently down the sides of her face, stopping to cup her cheeks in his hands. without sight, the sensation tingles deliciously and she smiles into his touch, angling her head to press her lips to his palm.

“would you like me to join you, my pretty thing?” comes his response. her breath hitches, caught like a wrist, and she feels a blush creep over her cheeks, her internal temperature rising to court the water’s warmth. she stutters out a “ _please_ ,” with desire curling in her belly, and the soft shrug of fabric hitting the floor tells her essek is disrobing. 

she scooches forward in the tub to make room for him, anticipation rippling through her body. she knows the bathtub itself is large enough to fit both of them and then some, far more grandiose than anything she has ever seen. 

_( “a necessary luxury,” he had explained, looking almost sheepish. “it befits my station.”_

_“the intricacies of the xhorhasian political system never cease to amaze me,” she had teased, “but, i am not one to complain.” )_

a beat, and then essek slides in behind her, the displacement sloshing water onto the floor around the tub. he wraps his arms around her waist, pulls her close, and with her eyes closed the quiet sound of their breathing in tandem together fills the room. she could quite happily lie here forever, floating in her lover’s embrace, the two of them suspended in time and in stasis. she lets herself entertain the idea in her mind, lets the water lap up against her thighs. damn the empire, damn the dynasty. 

“i love you, caleb,” essek murmurs, and the tenderness of it hits something deep within her, sharp and aching. they’ve said it before, but each time still feels as raw and gentle as the first—for so many years she had thought herself a black hole, fated to pull everyone else down into the depths of her own misery. but essek, with his own scars and his own sins, had managed to push past her darkness, unlace her ribcage and hollow out a home for himself in the bloody, ragged chambers of her heart, unafraid. and she had welcomed him.

“i love you, too,” she whispers back, letting her voice dissolve into the heat of the room, and her eyes sting with tears at the depth of it.

*

essek's skillful hands soap her up, and it isn't long before the stimulation of it has her writhing, melting like wax under the candle of his intent. she feels her weight grow soft and pliant under his gentle fingers, his tender care; he grasps her hands in his own and together runs the washcloth over her bare skin. all the while, he presses kisses to every stretch of her nakedness he can reach, touching her everywhere except for the one place she’s desperate for him.

this wine-dark want that buzzes between them sends her head spinning, and she’s already drunk and heady with the temperature of the water, the slide of essek’s skin on hers. he runs his hands over the soft lines of her topography; palming her breasts, stroking the insides of her thighs, and every inch of her is aglow. the steady slip of water over her body has her blissed out beyond belief, and her head falls back against essek’s chest, her arm blindly reaching behind her to tangle in his hair, anchoring her. 

“oh, please, please, i need–” she whines, deliciously frustrated, screwing her eyes shut tight behind the blindfold. his name comes out as merely a mewl on her lips, “ _essek_.”

“shh, my love, shh,” he whispers into her ear, rolls one of her nipples between his fingers before finally, _finally_ moving his hand down beneath the water, between her legs, letting her grind her desire against him. and she shakes with the stimulation of it, toes curling, every nerve in her system standing on end, blossoming under his ministrations. 

_i’m yours,_ she wants to scream as she rocks into his grip, wants to name this secret thing they share between them over and over again until all of rosohna knows it by heart. _i’m yours, as you are mine_. but she can’t. her words are for essek and essek alone, and the feeling of his hand against her clit has swept away all the breath from her lungs. she can do nothing but cry out and buck into his hand, swallowing her words down and letting him feel them in her throat beneath the kisses. 

and she’s close, she’s so close. but. she

wants –

“wait,” she gasps out, “hold on, i–” and essek is already stilling his hands, drawing away from her. she grabs onto the sides of the bathtub, panting, already aching at his absence. “i want– i want to come with you inside me. please. i can wait.”

“of course,” he says, bringing his hands back up to her shoulder blades and massaging her there, waiting until her breath comes back to her, until she comes down from the edge. “there we are, love. are you alright? look at me.”

he slides the blindfold off and she opens her eyes for the first time in what has felt like hours. essek’s face blinks into focus behind her in the lowly lit bathroom, all soft edges. he catches her gaze with his, steadying her, and she swears she sees a galaxy behind his eyes that she wants to drink up, devour.

“ja, i’m good. so good,” she promises, squeezes his hand in hers. he lets her collect herself for another moment, and then she sits forward to let him wash her hair.

he has saved her head for last, knowing how delicate she is about her hair. he undoes the leather band that keeps it together in its usual low ponytail, gathers loose red waves to the side so he can lower his lips to the back of her neck and kiss her nape. the touch of his mouth once again sends a delightful shudder through her body, sparks straight to her clit, and she swears silently, pressing through the warm ache of it.

her eyes fall shut again as essek shampoos her hair with something that smells vaguely floral, and she revels in the sensation of his fingers on her scalp. it is then that she hears the familiar muttering incantation of a control water spell, and cracks a smile. “you are breaking your own no magic rule.” 

she feels essek grin against her cheek, and a whispered “hush,” before his teeth bite down on bottom of her earlobe and she arches into his touch. 

the water falls in arcane waves over the crown of her head and down her back, trailing a hazy pattern past her shoulders. she sighs again, content; thinks of all the stories woven about love like this, about intimacy, about sharing space together. her heart sings with the lightness of it all.

essek finishes washing her hair and gently nudges her to turn around, guides her until she is facing him in the water.

“you are incredible,” he whispers, reverent, catching her lips in his.

later that night when she finally comes, held tight in essek's embrace and his strap buried inside her to the hilt, it’s with a long cry loosed from deep within her belly, stuttering at its peak. then caleb closes her eyes, drifts into essek’s stars.

**Author's Note:**

> ganovim un farlibte hobn lib fintsternish = ‘thieves and lovers both like the dark’ in yiddish, but that’s a headcanon for another fic. <3


End file.
